Back to the land of the living

My blogging has been at a stand still.  On October 26th, my mother became ill and many lives were changed, including mine.  My mother was diagnosed, for lack of a better word, with Guillian Barre' Syndrome.  It is rare.  It is basically an auto immune issue where your body starts to attack your nerves in your spinal cord.  My mother went from a healthy fairly active person to being paralyzed from the neck down...within 24 hours.  It has turned our world upside down. It has been a chain reaction.

My mother is struck ill---->New homes have to be found for her two siblings that she cared for  -----> Family begins to bicker about who needs to share in responsibility ----> my brother and I are small business owners so when we don't work, we don't get paid----> budgets are created----> hobbies and vacations are put on hold-----> our world evolves around caring for my mom and her home -----> and I have to drop of training for marathon.

That is right.  I would not see the fruits of my labor.   My mother was in the hospital until mid January and my brother and I shared the duty of seeing her and helping her.  She had become quadriplegic and needed our help and support.  In mid January she moved in with me and I no longer had the freedom to go run when I wanted to run.  If I thought taking time out of my week to drive to see my mom for  a few hours was hard...try being her caretaker 24/7.  The first few weeks were very hard.  I rarely slept and it took its toll on me.

But I am back.  We have a caretaker that comes in a few hours a couple of days a week. This allows me time to work and start enjoying life again.  My first run was Monday and I loved it. So what if  my pace was not the same as it was before or that I felt really sore the next day.  What a great feeling that was...soreness. I missed it. I know it sounds crazy but I did.

So here is to my first run and my first attempt at a normal life again, to be among the living.  Over the next few weeks I'll share my experiences on running and the balancing act I must do in order to be a full time care take for my mother and a full time me.

Be ready because here I come.

Why sometimes quitting isn't really quitting

I have hesitated on writing this post because I didn't know if I should. But I decided if this blog is going to be anything, it is going to be honest. So here it goes....

We lost a few girls this month in the Fatty Must Run Marathon Challenge.  I think some may have gone MIA before this month but there was always hope that they would come back or reply to messages sent from Julie about how it is going.  I must say some were a shock because they were either so active on the board or so active in their training.  But when I read their blog posts about why they left, I completely understood and respected their decisions.  What I loved and learned from their reasons was interesting.

One person left because she felt the name of the group was negative and did not send the message that she believed should be sent.  She agreed with the concept of getting everyone to run, including overweight people, but the F word didn't sit well with her.  I really congratulate her for being honest.  Whatever has happened in our past or fear we may have can have an effect on how we perceive a word or an action.  And for all of us, that perception is our reality. She is a strong person and a go getter.  I  watch her twitter feed and Facebook page in awe.  I never would have suspected she second guessed her involvement in the group.  As far as I knew, she agreed with every bit of it, 100%.  But she didn't.

Being the committed person that she is, she remained with the group and participated.  She encouraged us and gave us advice.  All the while, we never knew of her struggle within.  And this project is a daily commitment, so for her to continue each day and participate was a daily struggle.  She sacrificed her own feelings for the group.  I am glad she has decided to say yes to herself and no to anything that does not ring true to her heart.  That's one of the things we are all working towards, right?  We all want to make decisions in our life that at the end of the day we can say to ourselves, "I am proud of my actions today."  And that is what Jen has said "yes" to doing.  At the end of the day she needs to feel good about her actions.  Jen, thank you for spending time with us and sharing with us.  I still have her listed in my  blog roll so that you can continue following her journey. She is now under Blogs that I love.  Please stop by her blog and show her some love.

Another person that shocked me was a person that I watched on my Nike+ activity board.  I didn't see  too many posts from her but I could see her activity on Nike+ and she was running. However, she found the deadlines and the need to give feedback a bit overwhelming.  She has the desire and the capacity to train for runs but this was not the way for her to train.  The  stress of trying to train by someone else's methods was too much.  And it is true, you can't fit a square peg in a round hole.  So, instead of continuing with the group and beating herself up each month because she hadn't completed the challenges or completed them with resentment or strain, she decided to do what is best for her own health and goal and do it her way.

How many times have we tried to do things other people's ways and just felt like a failure because you see it working for them but not us?  It doesn't mean we are failures. It means that this method is not for us.  Someone I follow on Facebook...very healthy, lots of followers, lots of good advice....posted recently that she doesn't do challenges well.  She usually quits in the middle of them and she is okay with that.  She has come to the realization that challenges aren't they way for her to get fit or stay healthy.  She has to set up her own program and do her own thing.  And that is what Sylvia has discovered.  Sylvia's desire to become healthier and fitter and her desire to continue the Fatty Must Run Challenge were not compatible.  So she had to do what was right for her and that was to resign from the challenge and reach her goal in a way that allowed her to be her.  I still have her on my blog roll. She has also been moved from the Fatty Must Run Marathon section and to Blogs I love.

The lesson I learned from both of the gals was that no matter what, at the end of the day, you have to be true to yourself and do what is right for you.

•  If challenges aren't your thing, then develop your own program or find a program that works for you.  Don't beat yourself up for not being able to do it the way someone else has done it. Find a way that works for you and be successful at it.
•  Don't be a follower just to be a follower. Be a follower because you believe in the cause. Have your own reasons, don't rely on someone else's.  I heard it said before, "Don't let me talk you into anything, because someone else can talk you out of it."  You have to do it because you believe it in it.  You have to be you because you are the only person that can.
• I learned that quitting isn't a bad word.  At times it means we are no longer going to spend time on doing something that isn't good for us so that we can spend time doing what is best.

July Challenge Recap

I am a day behind in my posting so I apologize for putting this up a day late.  July was a hot month here in Seabrook.  It was hotter than June and yet I think I enjoyed running this month more than last month.  We had a pretty easy challenge month for July:

1. Plank a day:  Well my first plank was amazing. It was over 50 seconds. My dogs are not use to seeing me on the floor so they huddled around me and that is why it was only 50.  But there is something about beginner's luck that did me in.  After my first plank, I heard the other members in the challenge doing 20's or so and I started to doubt myself.  It took me all month again to be able to do 50 seconds. For the longest time I couldn't get past 13 seconds.  It's all mental and I know it.  Our running coach says "You can do anything for a minute."  She also says "A plank a day keeps the doctor away."
2. Sign up for a race.  I was already signed up for a few races but I added the Lunar Rendezvous at the last minute. The Lunar run also completed my last challenge.
3. Run a timed 5K  I have to say I was pretty disappointed.  My official time was 50:17.  The good news is that the last time I ran this way was in 2009 and I ran a 54:42 on that day.  The bad news is that I was 1 minute 9 seconds slower than I was last time...oh well.

But along with the challenges, I had many wonderful discoveries and moments.  The most important one has to do with my family.  My husband starting running with us.  He has not run consistently since high school.  He is a two pack a day smoker and he works 12 hour days in the hot sun with no AC as a UPS delivery driver.  But he has decided to take small steps to become healthier. So every Saturday morning at 4am the lights turn on in my house as all three of us get ready to go for our long run with our running group. So my immediately family has become an active family.

Bonds are being made stronger between my sister and me.  Growing up in different households, in different cities with a 14 year age difference meant we didn't see much of each other as I grew up.  But now I see her, at minimum, once a week.  My daughter is getting to know her aunt. She also is in awe of her Uncle and has asked him to be her personal trainer.  He has agreed and is really making her work but she loves physical challenges.  She is really enjoying her time with him.  

I met a friend in our running group that is more my pace.  We ran together a few Saturdays ago for the first time.  It was so much fun.  We pushed each other and yet we were still able to talk, which helped the run seem shorter.  However, I had the Lunar run the next Saturday and she was at the Grand Canyon the following Saturday, so we will see each other again this weekend. 

I haven't tried spinning again. I am enjoying water fitness and water Pilates.  I am learning the poses in yoga and still heart rate training.  Most importantly I am still enjoying every bit of it.  The scale isn't moving as much as I had hoped but my body is changing. I am getting into clothes that didn't fit before.  Clothes that use to fit me tight, now are comfortable if not baggy.  My face is clearing up because of all the water.  All in all I would have to say that this challenge has been good for me.

Lunar Rendezvous 5K Recap

This race is special for me.  When I did Couch 2 5K in 2009, this was the first 5K I ran.  You can read my race recap from 2009 right here.  I finished my first 5K and lost to a 3 year old.  I read it again for the first time in a long time a week ago.  I am so glad I wrote it down because there were so many things I forgot and so many things that haven't changed.

• I still just hope that I am not last.  I have to say I am a bit disappointed in my time of 50:17. It is 1:09 slower that my last race that was about 6 weeks ago with a at time of 49:09. I was really pushing for a 45 to 46.  I set my Nike plus to tell me my pace every minute...but it malfunctioned when I paused the music...for a reason I cannot remember.  Then I stopped to try to fix it, well not a complete stop but I really slowed down.  That is what I LOVE about Nikeplus, the ability to see my run and my pace along the whole route.  I slowed down to 19:57 pace when I was trying to fix my Nike (and that is one of my downfalls about Nike...it has glitches).  There is only one run a month I worry about pace and that is my timed one for the FattyMustRunMarathonChallenge. The rest of the time I just love being out there. Did I mention that I forgot my armband for my phone? yeah...so I had to hold it in my hand the hold time...not comfortable.
• I still don't know how to drink from a cup and run at the same time.  I have no problem grabbing the water from the volunteer, and by the way, thank you to all the volunteers.  But once it is in my hand I fill like I am all thumbs and water just goes everywhere but my mouth.  I still feel guilty about throwing my cups on the ground and apparently so are other people because there was a tower of upside down cups on the ground. I decided I would add to the tower.
• I cannot verify it but I think my three year old nemesis was there.  He would be about seven now and there was a seven year old there running along with me...mocking me.  He has a younger brother that is about 5 (Of course he was not there in 2009 because he would have been about 1...not even walking) But this year, this year they both mocked me.  They would run past me just laughing and smiling and giggling.  Then they would wait for their mother and me to get near them again and then they were off again.  One day I am going to beat this child and I better do it soon because once he becomes a preteen...my chance is gone.
• I still don't like people to come back for me.  Last time my daughter ran with me.  She came back on the route to look for me and cheer me on.  She kept her distance. She could tell that I appreciated it but that I needed to do this on my own. however, this time my husband ran with me. It was his first 5K. Kelly and Diane were there again (and yes they one their age groups).  All three came back to look for me.  While I love the fact they came back, to cheer me on, I lose my concentration.  So as they walked up towards me, I waved them to turn around and go back to finish line.  And they did.  Maybe that is why I don't know team sports...I don't want anyone to depend on me. If I fail, it only affects me.  
• I wasn't nervous about the race.  Unfortunately, I had a 14 hour event that I was hosting at my house for 15 women from 10 am to midnight...that same day. So I spent the day before cleaning and decorating until 3 AM and then I was up at 5 for the race.  I love hosting these events and I love the 5Ks but I realized I don't love doing them on the same day.  
• That being said, I was ill prepared.  Last time I worrying about tapering and hydration before the race. This time I just worried about showing up.  

My  hopes is that my next race will have a better time. I am still looking for 45 or sub 45.  I'll get there. I know it.

July Challenge

Every last week of the month I feel like James Bond aka 007. I eagerly await the arrival of my new Fatty Must Run mission.  I have to say, I was kind of relieved that no clean eating was involved in the making of this mission.  But I will try to eat clean anyway.  So what are the missions?

1. Plank a Day Do a plank each day and see how long you can hold it.  Yesterday I did my first plank. Mental note to self, put the dogs up before attempting this feat.  They were trying to get under me and walk over me.  So my plank only lasted 43 seconds.  I am not saying I can hold it much longer but I felt I could do a second or two more.  My sister said that Kim, our running coach, says we can do anything for a minute.  We shall see.
2. Sign up for a race in July or August Believe it or not, this is going to be the tricky one.  The season is coming to a close due to the hot weather.  The Lunar Rendezvous is coming up July 20th but I am hosting a 14 hour crop at my house that day.  I want to do it because the first 5K I ever ran was the Lunar Rendezvous.  You can read about it here:  My first 5K and how I lost to a 3 Year old. So I am off to Active.com to look for more races and to my running groups calendar. I am sure there are more out there.
3. Run a timed 5K I am really excited about these timed 5Ks. Each time they feel like a surprise and I feel like I am making progress.  I started Heart Rate training this month. I will tell you more about it this month.

Well those are the challenges, if you so choose the mission.  I hope you join us and remember if you want to see how all of us are doing, I have links to the other girls' blogs on the right.  Each of us have own  story to tell.  You may find you see yourself in one or more of them.  

Fatty Must Run Marathon June recap

I knew it was going to be hard month for me.  What's the saying? "If you think you can, you will. If you think you won't, you're right." ?  Well I think I thought I couldn't. Now if you don't remember what the challenge items were for June, you can see them here.

And if you are new to my blog, first WELCOME! and second you may not be aware of the Fatty Must Run Marathon Challenge that I am doing. If you want to know  more about it, go to Fatty Must Run , and Julie will explain it.  She is hosting the challenge.  Over the course of a year she will guide 14 women  through the challenge that will end with a marathon.

Again, I can't believe all the changes in my life.

Eating:    I am more conscious about what I eat.  Things I use to love to eat, sorta gross me out. But I still love chocolate and Ice tea. I am not sure if that will change.  But I am eating so many more vegetables and I have a juicer now. Ok, so it is still boxed up but I plan to use it starting this week.

My running group: Last time I mentioned my running group grew by 14. This month it grew by 20 more?  I joined a running group in Galveston two weeks ago.  I am officially a member of USA Fit Galveston   I also joined a running group.  I am a part of the Beginners Half Marathon training.  My sister is leading the Saturday morning runs for our pace.  I think it prepares us for our first half in October which meets my needs.

Energy   I feel better.  I don't get tired too early. Well I do get sleepy because I am getting up earlier but at the same time, when I am awake, I feel more energized.

Non Scale Victories:   My body is changing.  My calves are getting muscular and feel toned.  My bum is lifting and while the scale isn't moving much, my clothes are fitting better in some cases and in others, well they are just getting too baggy to wear.


So here is how I did with this month's challenges:

1. Run Everyday  Well it is hot in Texas and I couldn't bring myself to get up at 5 AM to run.  I did manage to run FunFest Run the Bay on the 8th and during the second half of the month, I started to run with my sister and just got over myself and got up.  On the days that I didn't run, I continued to do my squats and I did the elliptical.  So I would have the say the first half of the month was rough for me but I am starting to get the hang of it.
2. Eat Clean  Yeah, epic fail.  I didn't even know what clean was much less how to prepare for it.  But I have started to do it and I have found some great recipes that I will share.  My daughter is on board with me on this one.  We eat quite a bit of zucchini, bell pepper with eggs.  We also tried spaghetti squash and we are making healthy smoothies that contain Kale and flax seed.  ( I promise I will either video tape or blog the recipes. )  I cut down on red meat and drink more water. So I am getting there but I still have a long way to go. 
3. Run a timed 5K.  I ran my timed 5K yesterday.  My first one this month was on 6/8 at the FunFest was 49:08. I was 12th for my gender, 90th for my gender and 211 overall.  There were 226 runners and 100 of them were female.  My last timed 5K was 47:48.  Races are harder to come by so I had to time it myself.  So I was first, last and overall number one!  LOL
4. Complete squat challenge  I did finish my challenge but I did skip a few days.  I want to do it again.  I may start again July 1st.  I really loved the way it felt.

Tomorrow I will share our July challenge.  

Stay cool and stay running.

Kemah Bridge

Well I did it!  This past week, I did my first Kemah bridge run.  I liked it so much that I did it twice!  My daughter and I met my sister at the bridge at 6 AM.  I have driven over this bridge hundreds, if not thousands of times. It is the bridge between me and the nearest sign of box store civilization (Walmart, Target, Office Depot and Home Depot). Why am I running a bridge?  Well, I live in flat SE Texas. We have no hills.  When I say we are flat...I mean we are flat  The Houston Marathon is a great place to qualify for Boston because the run is soo easy...no hills.  But every runner needs to do hill work so us in SE Texas run in parking garages or on high arching bridges.  I happen to live very near to a high arching bridge.  It crosses the waterway that links Clear Lake to the bay.

This waterway is heavily utilized by boaters.  You see Clear lake is home to the third largest fleet of recreational boats in the United States.  Because of all the boat traffic seen, a steep and extreme high bridge was built.   And until my run, I did not realize that the south side is steeper than the north side.  I also didn't realize that cars whizzing by at 50 mph, that are less than 3 feet from you, cause alot of hot wind.  But I loved it.  I loved the way my thighs burned on the incline and the reward of going downhill immediately after the burn.  My sister and I took a picture at the top of the bridge from my phone, which in turn caused my Nike+ to stop recording and my wireless headphones to unlink.  So I am smiling in this picture but moments later I was just frustrated.

Now the bridge is less than two miles from my place but at least 30 miles from my sister's house.  Again, I am truly blessed to have a sister that would drive that far, that early so that she can run the bridge with me.  Isn't she awesome?  There are no words to describe my gratitude.  I am just truly blessed.

Warning: Cheeks appear larger than normal

Two days later I decided to do it again.  Because I was doing it by myself, I decided to go a bit earlier.  The second picture was taken as I was leaving the bridge to go home.  The bridge is 1.9 miles round trip.  I think next week I will try to do it twice which is....3.8 miles.

Non-Scale Victories

It wasn't until Weight Watchers that I learned the term NSV.  It stands for Non Scale Victory.  It's when something changes besides the numbers on the scale.  I have had quite a few of those these past few weeks.  I love it when I discover a new NSV.  It's like finding little nuggets of gold as you pan for it.  They may seem small but the are worth so much more. That is the way I see NSVs.  They are these grand moments of  "Oh my goodness, I dropped 5 dress sizes in 2 weeks! "  We all know that if you drop 5 dress sizes in two weeks, you 'll probably add 6 dress sizes in three.  No, I am not looking for those kind of sucesses.  I want the long term ones.

I think one of the first ones was the walk to the church office.  It was on the second floor of the youth building.  Every week I volunteer at the church and have to climb these stairs. Because this is in the youth building, the doors are locked and you must hit the buzzard and someoen will come open the door for you.  This is where I panic.  I am left so winded that I usually wait a bit before I hit the buzzard.  I didn't want to have to speak before I had time to catch my breadth. Pathetic, I know.  Well, these past few weeks have been great.  I no longer get winded going up the stairs.

Then I noticed something that may make others cringe but I love.  I mentioned in another post that I gain muscle pretty quickly.  Well I have been doing squats for three weeks and the muscles are starting to make their debut.  The fluff around them is not subsiding as fast as the muscle is being gained so they make me seem a bit more bulky in areas but my body is changing.  The bum sits alittle higher.  There is a nice shape forming on the legs and the calves feel stronger (more because of the running than the squatting). So crops feel a little tighter in the legs and bum but I am swimming everywhere else. I know that in time, as the fluff leaves, the crops will also fit differently.

My skin is changing also. I don't know anyway to explain it but my skin seems more radiant and healthy.  It feels smoother.  I think all the sweating and drinking water has really cleaned out my pours and I can feel and see the difference. I just can't stop touching my face.

These are just a few of the changes I have seen in the past few weeks.  I am excited to see what NSVs I'll discover at the end of the month with more running and clean eating.  Have you had any NSVs lately?

Monthly Motivating Movie

As promised, here is the monthly motivating movie for June. On the first Friday of each month I plan to recommend  a running movie. My pick is coming out a few days early for a reason to be announced later in this article.  My pick for June is Spirit of the Marathon.

Courtesy of Netflix

This Spirit of the Marathon is a documentary that follows 6 runners on their journey to running the Chicago Marathon.  I love this movie because it follows 6 very different runners.You have a male and a female elite runner that are  training to win. A couple that have run a few marathons around the world.  A senior, running again and his daughter that is running for the first time. And one more female that is running her first marathon as she progresses naturally from 1/2 marys to a full mary.  Each story is unique and in many ways they are similar.  It is definitely worth a watch if you are training for a marathon, 1/2 mary or a 5K  

Haven't sold you on it yet? Well here is where I get cheesy.  BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE! While googling for a picture of the movie cover, I came across some exciting news.  There's a sequel!!!!  That's right, it was sooo good they came out with a sequel. The sequel follows runners training for the Marathon in Rome (In my dreams, that would be where I would run my first marathon.)   It is scheduled to be in theaters for one night and one night only.  Click Here  for a theater near you.  It will only be in theaters June 12th! Run and get your tickets!! That is the reason I wanted to share this one early.  I want to give you time to search for a local theater and make sure your calendar is free for that day.

Enjoy!

It's me not you

Dear John,

Let me start by saying that I have always loved you.  You have been there since the beginning.  You are known as comforter and used as an reward.   Have a birthday to celebrate?  You'll be there.  Getting married?  You are one of the most important things at the wedding celebration.  Gathering with fellow Christians for a prayer session, committee meeting, retreat, seminar...heck anytime we gather as a congregation, you are there.  End of school year party for the elementary kids?   Teachers are sure to send a note home with little Tommy or Sally reminding us to bring you to school that day. We would die without you....literally we would die with out you.  But your importance for living has become an obsession and people are dying a slow death because of you.  What was meant for good, has somehow turned to bad.  And that is becoming more apparent now than ever in my life.  

Please don't cry.  It's me not you.  I took advantage of you.  I used you and abused you in my times of need.    I was too clingy.  I wanted you to be my everything.  If I was stressed out during the day, I ran to you to comfort me.  If I was celebrating any occasion, I wanted to do it with you.  I wanted you so much that I found reasons to celebrate.  I smothered you and put you on a pedestal.  It is for that reason that I have to distance myself from you.  We will still see eachother and be good friends but I can't let you consume me.  I want us to have a healthy relationship.  

I can't let you be my joy and my sorrow. I hope you understand. I will always care for you and need you but in a different way.  I hope you understand.

Love,

Rozette

When I read this months challenge for the Fatty Must Run Marathon Challenge, my heart just sank.  I knew  I would have to have the most difficult conversation with my food.  I had to admit that my emotional attachment to food can be unhealthy.  It's not that I don't like healthy food, that's not the issue.  I love vegetables, fruits, chicken etc but I obsess over chocolate, whip cream, flour tortillas.   Remember that song from the 70's Torn Between Two Lovers?  There is a line in there, "torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool.  Loving both of you is breaking every rule"  Well that is me. I don't mind eating healthy food but I want my bad also. And it isn't a hunger thing, its a "I want ______" thing.  No amount of filling health foods is going to satisfy my desire for chocolate.

So this weekend I went to Penzeys's Spice and picked up Fox Point, an amazing blend of herbs and spices that make everything yummy.

Last night we had chicken with a baby spring salad that consisted of Baby Spring mix of lettuce, celery mandarin oranges, cranberries, strawberries, pecans and a raspberry vinaigrette. 

Next time I will probably leave out the strawberries but may put apples. For lunch, I had more chicken on organic corn tortillas, with beans and lettuce.  I really enjoyed that and can't wait to eat more of that.  

I had cherries and grapes for a snack.  They were meh.  I didn't really satisfy my desire for something sweet but they satisfied my need to chew.  I have to come up with something clean to eat that will help with my sweet tooth.  Any suggestion?

I keep telling myself it is only for 30 days but in reality, I am hoping that this 30 day challenge will give me a new perspective on food.  It's fuel...nothing more, nothing less.  I need to grasp that concept. 

June's Challenge

Our June challenge has been posted. Please feel free to play along.

1. Run Everyday.  Ok this one hits on my lack of time management skills when it comes to personal goals. I have a tendency to put everyone ahead of me.  If I have time left at the end of the day to do my things, then I do them.  But this month I must put myself first everyday.
2. Eat Clean.  Well at first I thought this was going to be easy.  Wash your food and you can't eat anything that fell on the floor and was not picked up within 5 seconds.  I'm kidding.  I had no idea what is considered clean eating. I have heard those buzz words alot these past few months but had no idea.  I still don't know since googling it pulls up several interpretations of it.
3. Run a  timed 5K  We will do another 5K this month. We have been encouraged to run the whole thing.  I am interval training so that is how I will run it.  It will be interesting to see if I shave off any more time this month.  I would love to be in the high 30's at the end of this month.
4. Complete 30 day squat challenge.  I am really loving this challenge and may redo again when this 30 days is over. 

As always, please feel free to play along and let me know how you are doing.  If you want to see how everyone else is holding up in the challenge, you can click a link to their blogs on the right.

Fatty Must Run Marathon Challenge Monthly recap

Before I started writing this post, I decided to review my previous posts I have written since starting the challenge and I realized two things:

1.  I thought I blogged more than I actually did, which means all those times I thought I was sharing with you guys, I was only sharing with myself...in my head and
2.  I have no concept of time. It seems like just yesterday that I received the email stating I was accepted and at the same time, so much has changed in that time that it seems so long ago.

If you are not familiar with the Fatty Must Run Marathon Challenge, just click here for information about it. Over the course of a year, Julie, the leader of this challenge, will guide us through marathon training. Some would consider training for a 26.2 miles run as torture but I consider it a privilege to do so with these women.  Ok side note here: Julie is from the UK and I am obsessed with anything from across the pond, so when I read her blog posts, I read them out loud with my very bad British accent.

Julie gives us a new set of challenges each month.  We are to keep her updated at least once a month via email or blog post. But most of us have also updated eachother daily via Twitter.  If you would like to follow us, just search #FMRMC or #Fattymustrunmarathonchallenge.  For the first month, May, we were given three tasks run 2 miles, start 30 day squat challenge and run a timed 5K.

1. Run 2 miles and report back to Julie on how it felt. Because I was already running two miles each run, this one was natural for me.  The only comment I have is that it is getting hot in Texas so I have to change the time of day I run.
2. Start a 30 day squat challenge I had never heard of this but I googled it and discovered it is a 30 day challenge that increases the amount of squats each day. You start at 50 on day 1 and by the time you are on day 30, you are doing 250 squats in one day.  I love squats.   I build muscle extremely fast, genetics, so I can really see the difference and feel the difference in my legs and buttocks.
3. Run a timed 5K to get a base time.  Of all three, this one concerned me the most. I had not run a 5K in a very long time so I was worried.  I always hovered around 54-56 minute 5Ks.  I didn't want to time a 5K so soon after restarting C25K only to discover I am slower than before or not be able to finish.  My new time was a pleasant surprise 43:15.  I know, I know...I can't believe it myself but I took a picture just to prove it.

Yeah Baby!!!

If you had told me a month ago that I would have had so many changes in the first few weeks, I probably would have not believed you.  No, I know I would believe you.  As a matter of fact, I probably would have contemplating dropping out for fear of failing.  But I didn't quit. I just went one step at a time, one day at a time.  And things just happened.

• Pace  When I restarted C25K I was ecstatic that I ran my fastest mile at 15: 48. Years ago when I trained for my first 5K, my average pace was in the 17's and even 19's.  Yesterday I broke my own 5K time by doing it 43:15 and my average pace for my total 4 miles was 14:12.  By the way, the only reason I mention pace is not because I think I was going too slow before, but because it means I am improving. It means I am getting stronger. You guys know how I feel about pace.
• Distance:  My first few runs in April were 2 miles or less.  By mid May I was consistently doing 2 miles and as of last Saturday, I have increased my mileage to 4 miles.  My plan is to increase my mileage for my during the week runs to 4 miles and 6 miles on the weekend.
• Strength:  All I can say is that before this challenge, my legs just moved me forward.  Now, I can actually feel my muscles working and I love it.  There is a feeling of control or power...I haven't quite found the right word for it but all I know is that it is good.
• Community:  My running group has grown by 14.  We live hundreds, even thousands of miles, away from each other but this common goal is the thread that binds us together.  We encourage eachother and hold each other accountable.  On my own, I probably would have become bored the first week and moved on to a new challenge.  I am here to stay.

We have been given our new challenges for June.  I'll share more on those tomorrow.  All I can say is that it is going to be hard....mentally.  But in the meantime, check out the girls and how they viewed the first month. A link to their blogs is on the right.

Memorize the good

I wish I could say that I always felt like running.  I read these articles and see these posts on other blogs where people just don't feel right until they get their run in for the day.  Yeah, I am not one of those people.  I like programs and I like completing task (I guess that is why I like things like ( C25K and the FattyMustRunMarathonChallenge) but I rarely get the urge to go for a run to clear my head nor do I  feel out of whack because I missed a run.  Sure, I have loathed myself for not meeting my goal of doing something I said I was going to do or missing a day in a program.... but feel mentally off because I didn't run?  Nope, not here and not today.  No today was more of a mental challenge that became more of a mental workout than anything else.  Which I guess I could consider marathon training.  I heard of this wall that people encounter and this wall is mentally challenging.  Now I am not comparing my feelings with this wall...remember I am doing this training one 5K at a time.  So my exercise yesterday was a baby step.

Looking back, I  think I tried to sabotage my run yesterday.  The day before was my daughter's 17th birthday so we stayed up talking late into the night.  So yesterday morning I did not wake up early enough to go for a run.  By the time lunch came, it was too hot. (Seriously, the "feels like" temperature was 99) So I talked myself into waiting until the evening and besides I only had a pair of new fitted running capris clean and I can't wear that with a fitted tech shirt and my large, looks like a potato sack tech shirt was dirty...see the excuses just building? I had convinced myself to delay my run until the evening.

After struggling with my attire, the apps on my phone and seeking encouragement from my fellow FMRMCers, I hit the trails.  I would love to say that 5 minutes into my run, that "I WANT" showed up but he didn't.  Doubt showed up and consumed me.  Why am I out here? I must look ridiculous. This has to be worse than the slow motion video of me on Saturday.  Is that chafing I am feeling under my arms?  I am not going to make it.  Which is worse, running with the traffic on a trail that runs along a busy road or running against traffic on that same trail?  I mean, if I am running with traffic, all drivers and passengers are watching my big butt run...very slowly and awkwardly.  If I run against traffic, people will see the stress I wear on my  face and I will see their reactions to seeing fluffy run.  My thoughts were not pretty or positive.

But somewhere along the trail in the middle of my long run in C25K I found my stride and I don't mean physically.  Just like I had been taught at the running clinic to reset my posture during my run, I decided to do a mental reset. And Ephesians 4:29 came to mind.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."


Now normally when I think of this verse I think of it in reference to how I treat other people and what I either say to them or about them. I try to say things that will build people up and not tear them down. Well, why don't those rules apply to me?  They should.  I wrote about remembering what "I Want" tells you about yourself.  And yet here I am in the middle of the Seabrook park and all I hear is garbage.  So I stopped my run and hit the reset button.  And when I drew a blank on good things to say, I started to quote verses that had helped me in the past...I can do all things through Christ that gives me strength, if He be for me, who dare be against, He gave me the oil of gladness instead of mourning, Ask and you shall receive....etc

And then Bang Bang followed by Bon Bon  played on my playlist and my run felt better.  I think I even held my head higher and sang out loud on a few parts of the song Bon Bon.  All of a sudden new great tapes were playing in my head.  Somewhere during that run I even decided I liked the way I looked and will wear this outfit again...in public.

Now I am not saying go find a Bible and memorize some verses. If that is what you got out of this you are missing the point.  What I am saying is this.  When you decide to write those letters to yourself about why you are doing this and why you deserve this, make sure you store them away in your mind and in your heart. You may be far from home when the need arises to hear them.  For me, the truths I know about myself come from these verses.  They roll off my tongue with little effort and absolutely no thinking. (It was thinking that got me in trouble in the first place.)   You need to be able to do the same thing with whatever you choose.  So practice saying them even when you feel great so that they come out naturally when you don't.
Remember, don't let anything that will tear you down, come out of your mouth or your mind.  Only say and think things that will build you up. 4:29

My friend I Want

I have written and rewritten this post several times in the past two days.  But each time I did, well I just wasn't "feelin' it".  But a fellow fluffy runner wrote something the other day that just stuck in my head. He said sometimes he doesn't want to go out and run and his friend told him, "Hey if you are waiting for "I Want" he ain't coming so just get out there and do it."  Wow! That got me thinking about my I Want.  We all  have one.  And I realized my  I Want  can be a pretty flaky friend. Sometimes he shows up everyday no matter what.  The baby kept us up all night with a cough...he doesn't mind.  He reminds us why we are doing this and encourages us to get out of bed.  We have a horrible day at work, boyfriend hurts our feelings, husband doesn't understand, teenager is being difficult...doesn't matter to I Want, he picks us up and takes us for a run.

But I Want isn't dependable.  Sometimes he leaves for the day, the week or even the month with no explanation.  (Truth be known, I think he has another woman).  I can't verify it but sometimes I see them out on the trails running together.  And of course, I get jealous. Why does she have him? She must be special. She must be better than me.  She must have it all together and I am just a loser and that is why I am stuck here with I Want's evil twin I Don't Want.  My mother warned me about guys like I Don't Want.  They are selfish, degrading and never want what is best for you.

Fortunately, I Want has been pretty faithful.  He has been late a few times but by the time I finish my 5 minute warm up, he comes in and runs alongside me.  He never runs ahead.  He sticks by my side cheering me on...yeah that's just the kind of guy that he is.  He's a real playa.  When he is with you, he makes you feel like you are the only one but when he is gone...well he is gone.

So I love I Want and if I had it my way, he would be around for my whole Fatty Must Run Marathon Challenge.  But I know he won't be. I know there will be some days that I will be alone on my run.  I know that I Don't Want will  throw sticks at me and run circles around me and mock me.  That's okay.  I am preparing for that day.  I had I Want write me love notes while he was around.  I had him write down why I am going on this journey and why I am worth it.  So every time he goes MIA and I Don't Want shows up, I'll pull out his love notes to me.  I'll read them and run anyway.  Nothing I Don't Want says will deter me because I have these reminders.  And when those don't work, I have 14 women that will remind me of why I am doing this and vice versa.

So if your I Want is around, do me a favor and have him write you some love notes.  If he is MIA, find some fellow runners to share theirs.  You'll be glad you did. And eventually, your I Want will show up again.  He always does.

Fatty Must Run Marathon Challenge Update
Our Marathon Challenge has started.  We were given our first assignments.  Sometime this week we are to run 2 miles and report how it felt.  I did this challenge today.  It was H O T!  I am going to have to change up my schedule and start running in the am and blog at lunch.  I am not looking forward to summer training.

Our next challenge is to start the 30 day squat challenge.  I had never heard of it but Julie said to just google it and we will find it.  And I did.  Basically you start out with 50 squats the first day and on day 30 you will do 250.  I have pretty muscular legs and buns under all this fluffy so right now it is pretty easy and I build muscle extremely quickly so I know I will also bulk up this month because of it.  But it is for our benefit. The stronger the legs the easier the run.

The last challenge is to run a timed 5K by May 31st.  This will be our baseline. We can either do an actual 5K event or map out a route ourselves and time it.  I will probably map it out on Mapmyrun and run it.  My first 5k event isn't until June 8th.

If you want to read more about the FattyMustRunMarathonChallenge. Just click the link.  This will tell you what the challenge entails.  If you want to meet all the gals who were picked read this post.  And for all the women that are doing this challenge that have blogs, I have added links to their blogs to the right.

Can I encourage you to visit their blogs, follow and comment?  Sometimes when I Want is MIA, it's nice to know others are there for us.

Everyone needs an Ellie

Picture courtesy of Ellie (number 183)

The mud run is a prime example of how my mind works and how I overcome things.  Several months ago I received a "like" page for the Gritty Goddess in Galveston. Last year, after the first mud run, I received information on the 2012 Gritty Goddess.  I said no.  But this year was different.  I received the page to "like" because Facebook snooped and discovered I love all things running.  (I could write a whole post on how I don't like the way Facebook utilizes my information but this is not the time and place.)  Ok, let me back up.  At the time of this page popping up on my Facebook, ALL I was doing was loving all things running. I had not been cleared by my doc to start running.  

The weeks leading up to this moment were filled with treating my plantar fasciitis with stretches and icing.  So I made just a little noise about it...until I was sucker punched by it on 4/20/2013.  How do I know the exact date?  Well, that is the day I hosted an all day crop at my house for 14 beautiful ladies (hmmmm there is that number again..14).  Blame it on the lack of sleep in order to prepare for the crop or the alcohol I had just consumed but Ellie mentioned the mud run and I jumped at the chance to do it.  And then she popped the question, "What is your pace?" (gulp) "Well you see...running is just a technique and not a pace" I started to say.  I even think I rambled something about how I am faster than I was last time I did C25K.  I was stumbling and tripping over my own words...at least that is how I remember it.  I probably chuckled alot because that is what I do when I am nervous or sad.  All I know is that by the end of the conversation, we were running the mud run. And I had a feeling we were going to do it together. I don't mean, "okay when the gun fires, I'll see you at the finish line."  That would have been easy. I do my own pace and not worry about how I "look" to her.  No, I knew this was going to be a "are you ready? we are doing this together until the very end."

So what's the big deal?  Well, Ellie was from scrapbooking world.  My first impression of Ellie was how well she packed for a crop.  She didn't carry bags luggage, like the rest of us.  I think the first time I saw her at a crop she had one shoulder bag and her purse.  The only scrapper that packs that light are the digital scrappers that carry their laptop.  But Ellie was an organized traditional scrapper. So organized that she had only one bag compared to our 4 or 5 that were twice the size of hers.  What was her secret? How did she do it?  

And then I saw the pages she produced and they were lovely. They were balanced, pleasing to the eye with wonderful placement of embellishments and yet the picture remained the focus of the page (a hard task to do when you use embellishments).  Yes she was a scrapper goddess. She traveled light and scrapbooked well.  

Over the months I had learned she was a counselor, an active member of  her church and at one time had some weight to lose.  If you see her now, you would never know it.  She is tiny and fit. So are you hating her yet?  Fit, pretty, well organized, counselor, volunteer..I could go on and on.  But here is the best part...she is the friendliest, down to earth, encouraging, giving person I may know. 

So when I fumbled through my answer regarding my pace, she said, "ok let's do it.".  There was no hesitation in her voice.  She was ready to go and I was nervous.  She met up with Monica and me on that mud Saturday and she encouraged us through the whole course.  At times, I am ashamed to say, I was so focused on finishing a certain obstacle that I would turn around and Ellie is calling out to me because I had left them behind.  I had left a man down, Monica, and Ellie stayed and made sure she was okay and could do it. (Yes I know...I am a horrible person.)

I hope you have an Ellie in your life. Someone who encourages, supports and laughs with you through your journey.  If you don't have one, find one. So here's to the Ellies of the world. Those women that can run circles around us yet choose to run along with us.  

Dirty Girl in 3...2...1

(Picture from Gritty Goddess Facebook page)

It's 3 days until the Gritty Goddess 5K obstacle run in Galveston!  I can't wait. Two wonderful gals are going with me. No, we aren't running buddies. We are scrapbooking buddies. I love that my two worlds are colliding!

The last time I did a mud run, I did it with a good friend. I have to confess that when I said yes, I really wanted to say no.  I even think I tried several times to excuse myself from it.  I was scared.  I had not ran in a while and the idea of running through an obstacle course for 5Ks frightened me.  I didn't think I could walk 5K much less run 5K and throw all my fluffiness over a wall or climb a tall rope thingy or huge bouncy thingy (yeah I have no idea what their official names are).    And that day I proved myself right.  My poor friend Mari, I am sure she was ready to strangle me. I admire her. She is tough and independent and confident.  But at the same time she will give you the shirt off her back if she thought you needed it.  She doesn't put up with any crap and is a natural born leader.  She is soo cool she is even part of a roller derby team.  Her name on the team GREEN BEANER ! Love that girl! So she would say, "ok lets just run to spot X" and I was just turn and look at her like she was crazy. You know why I would just look and not say anything?  Because I was out of breadth from just walking!  Half way through, I pretty much convinced myself that I was going to pass out.  Now I am not sure if I was going to pass out because I had no more energy or because I thought once we got round this group of trees we only had on more obstacle and when I got around the trees, I realized we have 5 more obstacles to do and plenty of walking (Uh I mean running) to do in between .   But being the wonderful friend that she has always been, she just encouraged me and stayed with me. Thank you Mari for putting up with my drama.  

Ok, I am pretty sure I still can't run a 5K, much less run a 5K and then some.  But I am not scared.  I want to try.  I want to see what this body can do. I have been running for a few weeks and I want to take this body for a test drive.  I am sure I will get tired. I know that a dozen women are going to grab onto my bum and push me over the 5 foot wall.  I know all this and I am okay with it.  I JUST WANT TO TRY!

So my next run will be Saturday morning at 10:10 in the EIRENE wave at the Gritty Goddess.   I will wear a Tiffany Blue team shirt with ratty old shoes and other clothing that will probably have to be chunked after the run due to all the mud we will encounter.  (thank you Monica for offering to make the t shirts at such a great price) and  (thank you Ellie for having the idea to use a part of my blog name as the team name).  I promise to   nevermind. I make no promises to do anything but do my best, support and encourage my friends and all the women and enjoy every minute of it.

Marathon?

Ever did something that you regretted but at the same time you are glad you did?  Well that is how I am feeling right now.  I have filled out an application to be part of a one year marathon challenge. Julie at Fatty Must Run, is in the process of starting a one year training program for a marathon.  So what, you say?  Ok, well here is the catch...you have to have a BMI of 25 or more in order to be even considered.

I subscribed to her blog about a month ago and when I read the entry from 4/22 that discusses the challenge, I read it and thought to myself, "That's nice. Crazy but nice."  She wanted us to share the challenge with friends. So being an abiding reader, I went to the Active Community forums and posted a new thread.  Then went to my Facebook and shared it with my friends on Facebook.  I made it known that I was not interested but someone out there might be.  DONE!

But I kept going back to that post and rereading it. And every time I read it, the shock value of it lessened just a bit.  On Friday, I decided to submit my application.  Yikes!  Ever since then I have been on this crazy roller coaster of "gosh I hope I am picked" and "I hope I don't get picked so that I have an excuse to not do it."

There is a huge side of me that wants to be picked.  Somehow I have rationalized that if I am picked that not only will I get a training plan but I would also get super powers.  With these super powers I would be able to train for a marathon and actually run one.  I fantasize about spending my mornings training on the trails. These super powers would give me the ability to cook healthy meals, organize my day to fit in all the training that I would need and my super powers would rub off on my family and they would love the new meal plans and help more around the house so that I would have more time to train.  Man the more I think about these super powers, the greater they become.

Then there is this tiny part of me called fear.  Fear tells me that I am not ready.  That I will lose my enthusiasm early into my training and I will have to hide from everyone out of shame.  Fears says my family will look at me and say, "See we told you, you are trying to do too much."  Fear says that this will just end up in failure and when I think about that failure, it is an infinite thing.  It reaches into all areas of my life.  My home would become messy, I would eat horrible food everyday, stop running and just sit on the couch each day and regret quitting and never forgiving myself for doing so. Fear is horrible and never nice.

I don't let myself stay in that head space for long...too sad.  So I fall back on "Where there is faith, there is no fear."  And faith is belief.  So I have decided to Believe.  My mantra will be She Believed she could, so she did. I'll remind myself that I have walked 20 miles three days in a row, if I can do that, then I can run 26.2 miles in one day.  I will believe that I can do this and remind myself it is not just saying yes and then the next day going out to run 26.2 miles.  No, it means I will start out small and build up miles over time. It is the same concept as couch to 5K and I believe in that concept.

When I received my application, it came with a note about the timeline for training.  She set out dates to run certain types of races. When I compare that to what I have already signed up for, I realize that I am already doing that part.  I am already building my mileage over the next few months.  I am doing a 5K this coming weekend and will sign up for more between now and August.  In September and October I am doing two 10Ks and in December I am doing a half marathon.  All of a sudden this huge task of running a marathon seems attainable.

So the big goal of doing a marathon will be at the back of my mind but I will focus on the task at hand and when it is done, I will check it off and move to the next.  So I will run a marathon, 5K at a time.

Run the Red Carpet

I am in my last days of treating my heel and plantar fasciitis.  I must say, I have a new appreciation for stretching and doing the maintenance when it comes to physical activities.  But I am really anxious to start running again.  I want to be out in the sun. Well that's not the only reason.  It gets hot in my little town.  But not only hot, it also gets really humid.  I had hoped that I could get out there while it was still cool and low humidity and allow my body to acclimate to the increasing heat and humidity while I increased my mileage.

I am also contemplating joining a running clinic.  TriFit Galveston runs a clinic for different levels of runners.  My sister started last year and fell in love with running.  Are you getting a little anxious?  Did you just tell yourself "Oh I am not ready for that."  or "Running in front of people? No sir, I will stick to my treadmill in my basement where I can run in secret?"  Well if you did STOP IT!  If you desire to run, don't do it in the dark, it is nothing to be ashamed of desiring.  It is something to be proud of.  Most people that don't run, don't run because they think they can't.  The fact that your are even contemplating running means you already have more confidence than they do.  So put on your running shoes and get out there!

No?  Nothing? Still not doing it? Ok, then do me a favor.  Find the next 5K in your area and don't sign up.  Mark it on your calendar.  Get up that morning and go cheer on the runners. Sit on the side lines and cheer on the runner that runs like a gazelle with their fit "runner's" body.  Cheer on the preteen that is running their tenth 5K and just loves getting out there.  Cheer on the mom that runs most days with their child in a stroller. Cheer on the senior that has ran their whole life and never stopped. Cheer on the senior that discovered running a few months ago and are running their first 5K. But most importantly, cheer on the gal that is fluffy, like me.  The girl that can't buy clothes from the regular clothing section of most stores.  She shops Lane Bryant, not only for their cute styles but because they have styles she can actually fit into.  Cheer her on!  What am I saying?  There will not be just one gal that meets that criteria. There will be several gals just like her, just like you, just like me.  They are beautiful and they are strong and they are free.

 She isn't worried about people laughing at her or judging her.  She doesn't have time for that nonsense.  She is in awe of the strength in her body.  She has pushed it and it responded.  She rewards herself with a run down the red carpet.  Only this isn't just any red carpet.  This carpet comes in many colors and forms.  Sometimes it is a trail through the woods but most of the time it is a gray path that winds through the streets.  Her attire is not a little black dress and heels. No, she is dressed in fitted running shoes, wicking top and bottom and a number across her chest.  Oh how she loves her fans.  They line up for miles (3.1 to be exact) to cheer her to the finish.  She can hear them yelling, "we are proud of you" and "you can do it"!  She is the star and they are her fans and nothing else feels as good as this moment for her.

So if you are in your basement or guest room or living room and running on a treadmill, get out there and run with the other runners.  Go run your red carpet.  You are a star and stars are meant to shine, not flicker in the dark.  So if you aren't ready or don't believe me, be a cheerleader at the next 5K, you'll be glad that you did.

See Fluffy Run

I am not new to blogging. I have blogged for years about scrapbooking but this is my first attempt at a running blog. I still giggle when I say those words.

You see, this isn't going to be your typical running blog. I am a fluffy gal that is full of life and a different perspective to this running thing. I don't wake up everymorning and just want to slap my running shoes on and go for a five mile run. Heck no!! I like comfort. I probably wouldn't be fluffy if I wasn't a comfort seeker. I realized that the other day, when I watched my daughter in a cross country event. You see, as some of the girls came by me, they looked tired and two of them puked and kept running. Can you believe it? You see, that is where I differ and may be you can relate. If I am excercising and feel nauseous? Well, then I stop right then and there. I pack up my things I see my sick feeling as a justification that I pushed top hard and need a few weeks rest.

Do you see the difference? All that talk about hitting a wall and pushing through....well that is just crazy to me. But here I am. Not because running gives me a rush but because of a twelve year old daughter that I want to build positive memories with. It is a lifetime habit that we can do together and hopefully one day when she has a son or daughter she can tell them about how grandma and her use to run together. As she tells them as she runs with them...and so a tradition starts.

Look, whatever your reason, your motivation for starting this journey...have one. Think about it while you run, walk, feel like you are about to throw up and take that long wanted week off of training. You will find the desire to keep training will over come your desire to go back to that comfort zone.
Another reason I want to do run is that I will turn forty in a few months and I want to increase my fabulosity before that day. Currently, I get winded running to the end of the block but I imagine running in different cities while on vacation with my daughter. I imagine running at Niagara on the Lake and in Mexico. ( I am sure the swine flu scare will be over by then.)

So here I am I am Fluffy. I am lovable, cuddly, and full of good things. I hope to share all my experiences with you, the good, the bad and the ugly. Stop by when you can. Leave a comment. a comment is always encouraging to a blogger.