Why sometimes quitting isn't really quitting

I have hesitated on writing this post because I didn't know if I should. But I decided if this blog is going to be anything, it is going to be honest. So here it goes....

We lost a few girls this month in the Fatty Must Run Marathon Challenge.  I think some may have gone MIA before this month but there was always hope that they would come back or reply to messages sent from Julie about how it is going.  I must say some were a shock because they were either so active on the board or so active in their training.  But when I read their blog posts about why they left, I completely understood and respected their decisions.  What I loved and learned from their reasons was interesting.

One person left because she felt the name of the group was negative and did not send the message that she believed should be sent.  She agreed with the concept of getting everyone to run, including overweight people, but the F word didn't sit well with her.  I really congratulate her for being honest.  Whatever has happened in our past or fear we may have can have an effect on how we perceive a word or an action.  And for all of us, that perception is our reality. She is a strong person and a go getter.  I  watch her twitter feed and Facebook page in awe.  I never would have suspected she second guessed her involvement in the group.  As far as I knew, she agreed with every bit of it, 100%.  But she didn't.

Being the committed person that she is, she remained with the group and participated.  She encouraged us and gave us advice.  All the while, we never knew of her struggle within.  And this project is a daily commitment, so for her to continue each day and participate was a daily struggle.  She sacrificed her own feelings for the group.  I am glad she has decided to say yes to herself and no to anything that does not ring true to her heart.  That's one of the things we are all working towards, right?  We all want to make decisions in our life that at the end of the day we can say to ourselves, "I am proud of my actions today."  And that is what Jen has said "yes" to doing.  At the end of the day she needs to feel good about her actions.  Jen, thank you for spending time with us and sharing with us.  I still have her listed in my  blog roll so that you can continue following her journey. She is now under Blogs that I love.  Please stop by her blog and show her some love.

Another person that shocked me was a person that I watched on my Nike+ activity board.  I didn't see  too many posts from her but I could see her activity on Nike+ and she was running. However, she found the deadlines and the need to give feedback a bit overwhelming.  She has the desire and the capacity to train for runs but this was not the way for her to train.  The  stress of trying to train by someone else's methods was too much.  And it is true, you can't fit a square peg in a round hole.  So, instead of continuing with the group and beating herself up each month because she hadn't completed the challenges or completed them with resentment or strain, she decided to do what is best for her own health and goal and do it her way.

How many times have we tried to do things other people's ways and just felt like a failure because you see it working for them but not us?  It doesn't mean we are failures. It means that this method is not for us.  Someone I follow on Facebook...very healthy, lots of followers, lots of good advice....posted recently that she doesn't do challenges well.  She usually quits in the middle of them and she is okay with that.  She has come to the realization that challenges aren't they way for her to get fit or stay healthy.  She has to set up her own program and do her own thing.  And that is what Sylvia has discovered.  Sylvia's desire to become healthier and fitter and her desire to continue the Fatty Must Run Challenge were not compatible.  So she had to do what was right for her and that was to resign from the challenge and reach her goal in a way that allowed her to be her.  I still have her on my blog roll. She has also been moved from the Fatty Must Run Marathon section and to Blogs I love.

The lesson I learned from both of the gals was that no matter what, at the end of the day, you have to be true to yourself and do what is right for you.

•  If challenges aren't your thing, then develop your own program or find a program that works for you.  Don't beat yourself up for not being able to do it the way someone else has done it. Find a way that works for you and be successful at it.
•  Don't be a follower just to be a follower. Be a follower because you believe in the cause. Have your own reasons, don't rely on someone else's.  I heard it said before, "Don't let me talk you into anything, because someone else can talk you out of it."  You have to do it because you believe it in it.  You have to be you because you are the only person that can.
• I learned that quitting isn't a bad word.  At times it means we are no longer going to spend time on doing something that isn't good for us so that we can spend time doing what is best.

Lunar Rendezvous 5K Recap

This race is special for me.  When I did Couch 2 5K in 2009, this was the first 5K I ran.  You can read my race recap from 2009 right here.  I finished my first 5K and lost to a 3 year old.  I read it again for the first time in a long time a week ago.  I am so glad I wrote it down because there were so many things I forgot and so many things that haven't changed.

• I still just hope that I am not last.  I have to say I am a bit disappointed in my time of 50:17. It is 1:09 slower that my last race that was about 6 weeks ago with a at time of 49:09. I was really pushing for a 45 to 46.  I set my Nike plus to tell me my pace every minute...but it malfunctioned when I paused the music...for a reason I cannot remember.  Then I stopped to try to fix it, well not a complete stop but I really slowed down.  That is what I LOVE about Nikeplus, the ability to see my run and my pace along the whole route.  I slowed down to 19:57 pace when I was trying to fix my Nike (and that is one of my downfalls about Nike...it has glitches).  There is only one run a month I worry about pace and that is my timed one for the FattyMustRunMarathonChallenge. The rest of the time I just love being out there. Did I mention that I forgot my armband for my phone? yeah...so I had to hold it in my hand the hold time...not comfortable.
• I still don't know how to drink from a cup and run at the same time.  I have no problem grabbing the water from the volunteer, and by the way, thank you to all the volunteers.  But once it is in my hand I fill like I am all thumbs and water just goes everywhere but my mouth.  I still feel guilty about throwing my cups on the ground and apparently so are other people because there was a tower of upside down cups on the ground. I decided I would add to the tower.
• I cannot verify it but I think my three year old nemesis was there.  He would be about seven now and there was a seven year old there running along with me...mocking me.  He has a younger brother that is about 5 (Of course he was not there in 2009 because he would have been about 1...not even walking) But this year, this year they both mocked me.  They would run past me just laughing and smiling and giggling.  Then they would wait for their mother and me to get near them again and then they were off again.  One day I am going to beat this child and I better do it soon because once he becomes a preteen...my chance is gone.
• I still don't like people to come back for me.  Last time my daughter ran with me.  She came back on the route to look for me and cheer me on.  She kept her distance. She could tell that I appreciated it but that I needed to do this on my own. however, this time my husband ran with me. It was his first 5K. Kelly and Diane were there again (and yes they one their age groups).  All three came back to look for me.  While I love the fact they came back, to cheer me on, I lose my concentration.  So as they walked up towards me, I waved them to turn around and go back to finish line.  And they did.  Maybe that is why I don't know team sports...I don't want anyone to depend on me. If I fail, it only affects me.  
• I wasn't nervous about the race.  Unfortunately, I had a 14 hour event that I was hosting at my house for 15 women from 10 am to midnight...that same day. So I spent the day before cleaning and decorating until 3 AM and then I was up at 5 for the race.  I love hosting these events and I love the 5Ks but I realized I don't love doing them on the same day.  
• That being said, I was ill prepared.  Last time I worrying about tapering and hydration before the race. This time I just worried about showing up.  

My  hopes is that my next race will have a better time. I am still looking for 45 or sub 45.  I'll get there. I know it.

July Challenge

Every last week of the month I feel like James Bond aka 007. I eagerly await the arrival of my new Fatty Must Run mission.  I have to say, I was kind of relieved that no clean eating was involved in the making of this mission.  But I will try to eat clean anyway.  So what are the missions?

1. Plank a Day Do a plank each day and see how long you can hold it.  Yesterday I did my first plank. Mental note to self, put the dogs up before attempting this feat.  They were trying to get under me and walk over me.  So my plank only lasted 43 seconds.  I am not saying I can hold it much longer but I felt I could do a second or two more.  My sister said that Kim, our running coach, says we can do anything for a minute.  We shall see.
2. Sign up for a race in July or August Believe it or not, this is going to be the tricky one.  The season is coming to a close due to the hot weather.  The Lunar Rendezvous is coming up July 20th but I am hosting a 14 hour crop at my house that day.  I want to do it because the first 5K I ever ran was the Lunar Rendezvous.  You can read about it here:  My first 5K and how I lost to a 3 Year old. So I am off to Active.com to look for more races and to my running groups calendar. I am sure there are more out there.
3. Run a timed 5K I am really excited about these timed 5Ks. Each time they feel like a surprise and I feel like I am making progress.  I started Heart Rate training this month. I will tell you more about it this month.

Well those are the challenges, if you so choose the mission.  I hope you join us and remember if you want to see how all of us are doing, I have links to the other girls' blogs on the right.  Each of us have own  story to tell.  You may find you see yourself in one or more of them.  

Fatty Must Run Marathon June recap

I knew it was going to be hard month for me.  What's the saying? "If you think you can, you will. If you think you won't, you're right." ?  Well I think I thought I couldn't. Now if you don't remember what the challenge items were for June, you can see them here.

And if you are new to my blog, first WELCOME! and second you may not be aware of the Fatty Must Run Marathon Challenge that I am doing. If you want to know  more about it, go to Fatty Must Run , and Julie will explain it.  She is hosting the challenge.  Over the course of a year she will guide 14 women  through the challenge that will end with a marathon.

Again, I can't believe all the changes in my life.

Eating:    I am more conscious about what I eat.  Things I use to love to eat, sorta gross me out. But I still love chocolate and Ice tea. I am not sure if that will change.  But I am eating so many more vegetables and I have a juicer now. Ok, so it is still boxed up but I plan to use it starting this week.

My running group: Last time I mentioned my running group grew by 14. This month it grew by 20 more?  I joined a running group in Galveston two weeks ago.  I am officially a member of USA Fit Galveston   I also joined a running group.  I am a part of the Beginners Half Marathon training.  My sister is leading the Saturday morning runs for our pace.  I think it prepares us for our first half in October which meets my needs.

Energy   I feel better.  I don't get tired too early. Well I do get sleepy because I am getting up earlier but at the same time, when I am awake, I feel more energized.

Non Scale Victories:   My body is changing.  My calves are getting muscular and feel toned.  My bum is lifting and while the scale isn't moving much, my clothes are fitting better in some cases and in others, well they are just getting too baggy to wear.


So here is how I did with this month's challenges:

1. Run Everyday  Well it is hot in Texas and I couldn't bring myself to get up at 5 AM to run.  I did manage to run FunFest Run the Bay on the 8th and during the second half of the month, I started to run with my sister and just got over myself and got up.  On the days that I didn't run, I continued to do my squats and I did the elliptical.  So I would have the say the first half of the month was rough for me but I am starting to get the hang of it.
2. Eat Clean  Yeah, epic fail.  I didn't even know what clean was much less how to prepare for it.  But I have started to do it and I have found some great recipes that I will share.  My daughter is on board with me on this one.  We eat quite a bit of zucchini, bell pepper with eggs.  We also tried spaghetti squash and we are making healthy smoothies that contain Kale and flax seed.  ( I promise I will either video tape or blog the recipes. )  I cut down on red meat and drink more water. So I am getting there but I still have a long way to go. 
3. Run a timed 5K.  I ran my timed 5K yesterday.  My first one this month was on 6/8 at the FunFest was 49:08. I was 12th for my gender, 90th for my gender and 211 overall.  There were 226 runners and 100 of them were female.  My last timed 5K was 47:48.  Races are harder to come by so I had to time it myself.  So I was first, last and overall number one!  LOL
4. Complete squat challenge  I did finish my challenge but I did skip a few days.  I want to do it again.  I may start again July 1st.  I really loved the way it felt.

Tomorrow I will share our July challenge.  

Stay cool and stay running.

Kemah Bridge

Well I did it!  This past week, I did my first Kemah bridge run.  I liked it so much that I did it twice!  My daughter and I met my sister at the bridge at 6 AM.  I have driven over this bridge hundreds, if not thousands of times. It is the bridge between me and the nearest sign of box store civilization (Walmart, Target, Office Depot and Home Depot). Why am I running a bridge?  Well, I live in flat SE Texas. We have no hills.  When I say we are flat...I mean we are flat  The Houston Marathon is a great place to qualify for Boston because the run is soo easy...no hills.  But every runner needs to do hill work so us in SE Texas run in parking garages or on high arching bridges.  I happen to live very near to a high arching bridge.  It crosses the waterway that links Clear Lake to the bay.

This waterway is heavily utilized by boaters.  You see Clear lake is home to the third largest fleet of recreational boats in the United States.  Because of all the boat traffic seen, a steep and extreme high bridge was built.   And until my run, I did not realize that the south side is steeper than the north side.  I also didn't realize that cars whizzing by at 50 mph, that are less than 3 feet from you, cause alot of hot wind.  But I loved it.  I loved the way my thighs burned on the incline and the reward of going downhill immediately after the burn.  My sister and I took a picture at the top of the bridge from my phone, which in turn caused my Nike+ to stop recording and my wireless headphones to unlink.  So I am smiling in this picture but moments later I was just frustrated.

Now the bridge is less than two miles from my place but at least 30 miles from my sister's house.  Again, I am truly blessed to have a sister that would drive that far, that early so that she can run the bridge with me.  Isn't she awesome?  There are no words to describe my gratitude.  I am just truly blessed.

Warning: Cheeks appear larger than normal

Two days later I decided to do it again.  Because I was doing it by myself, I decided to go a bit earlier.  The second picture was taken as I was leaving the bridge to go home.  The bridge is 1.9 miles round trip.  I think next week I will try to do it twice which is....3.8 miles.

Running group do's and don't

I am always full of fear the first time I do something. And sometimes I get so scared that I do this thing where I start crying which, for whatever reason, turns into laughing.   Running with a running group was no different.          I would love to say that I took every effort to make sure that I was going to be at my best for this first run.  But I didn't.  I stayed out late with a friend and only slept 4 hours before my run.  Which leads me to my do's and don'ts for your first run with a running group.

Don't stay out late the night before you go on your first run with a group of people you know are faster than you.  You need all the rest you can get.  So if a friend asks you to stay out later, just apologize and let them know that you have made a commitment to become a better you and need to get home for some rest.

Do lay out your clothes the night before.  I had to be in Galveston, about 45 minutes away, by 6:15 AM.  That meant that I had to leave at 5:15 if I wanted to give myself some wiggle time.  Having everything together meant all I had to do was brush my teeth, pull my hair back and put on my clothes.  No hunting through my drawers for matching socks or headbands. No running across the house to the laundry room to find my bottoms and then to the living room for my shoes.  Just do it.

Don't leave the address to the running group at home. Thank goodness I had wiggle room because I made it there at exactly 6:15.  I lost time when I had to Google the store and then GPS the location from downtown Galveston.

Do hydrate the night before and the morning of the run.  It was hot out there and you'll see later on why it was so important for me to hydrate well.

Don't take off on a run without knowing the route.  You see I was slower than the rest of the group and within the first few blocks I was alone on the road. I didn't know the route so I spent alot of time GPSing my location and trying to figure out how to get back to the store where we started.  I wasn't frustrated but I was annoyed with having to stop, pull my phone out of the armband, turn off my Nike+ app and go to Maps.  Eventually I made it back to the store but not on the same route as everyone else.

Don't beat yourself up if you get left behind. I have to admit there were a few times on my run that I felt  a lump in my throat and thought I was going to cry.  It wasn't because I was alone...I run by myself all the time.    I felt defeated.  I felt that my inability to stay up with the slowest group just confirmed my inability to be a part of a group.  Bottom line, I just felt less than. And true to form, what started out as a feeling of wanting to tear up and give up became a feeling of just wanting to laugh. But when I shared how I felt to my husband and daughter, my daughter said something profound, "Stop beating yourself up about how far you have to go and start celebrating how far you've come.  Remember the first time you cried because you couldn't run a minute? Well look at you now.  That is what you need to focus on. "  She is 17 and wise beyond her years.

And yes, if you caught that...I have cried before.  I am a llorona (Spanish for cry baby).  I cry for joy and I cry for sadness.  So don't feel sorry for me because I cried.  The physical expression of the emotion that I am feeling seems to get exaggerated in my body and I know it is ridiculous so I start to laugh.

So this week I am taking on the Kemah Bridge.  Fortunately, I live about a mile from the only safe bridge to train for hill work.  I believe it is 1.9 miles over and back.  Wish me luck.

Birds of a feather

I finally did it! I joined a local running group.  I can't tell you how many times I started to fill out the registration form and then just shut down the page.  I even went as far as filling out the form, entering my payment information and hovered the mouse over the "submit" button before my  cursor flew uncontrollably across the screen like hands on an Ouji board and clicked the close window button.  Whew, disaster averted. 

But this afternoon when I finished my work, I officially became a member of the USA Fit Galveston Marathon Half Marathon training season 2013-2014.  I should have been wearing my HRM at the time I joined because my heart was beating fast.  But what's done is done.  As hot as it is outside, I can't seem to make myself get out there at 5am to run, which is why I found myself running in 90 degree weather this week.  But I will do it if I am running with someone else.  This should be fun, it will be fun.

Monthly Motivating Movie

As promised, here is the monthly motivating movie for June. On the first Friday of each month I plan to recommend  a running movie. My pick is coming out a few days early for a reason to be announced later in this article.  My pick for June is Spirit of the Marathon.

Courtesy of Netflix

This Spirit of the Marathon is a documentary that follows 6 runners on their journey to running the Chicago Marathon.  I love this movie because it follows 6 very different runners.You have a male and a female elite runner that are  training to win. A couple that have run a few marathons around the world.  A senior, running again and his daughter that is running for the first time. And one more female that is running her first marathon as she progresses naturally from 1/2 marys to a full mary.  Each story is unique and in many ways they are similar.  It is definitely worth a watch if you are training for a marathon, 1/2 mary or a 5K  

Haven't sold you on it yet? Well here is where I get cheesy.  BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE! While googling for a picture of the movie cover, I came across some exciting news.  There's a sequel!!!!  That's right, it was sooo good they came out with a sequel. The sequel follows runners training for the Marathon in Rome (In my dreams, that would be where I would run my first marathon.)   It is scheduled to be in theaters for one night and one night only.  Click Here  for a theater near you.  It will only be in theaters June 12th! Run and get your tickets!! That is the reason I wanted to share this one early.  I want to give you time to search for a local theater and make sure your calendar is free for that day.

Enjoy!

It's me not you

Dear John,

Let me start by saying that I have always loved you.  You have been there since the beginning.  You are known as comforter and used as an reward.   Have a birthday to celebrate?  You'll be there.  Getting married?  You are one of the most important things at the wedding celebration.  Gathering with fellow Christians for a prayer session, committee meeting, retreat, seminar...heck anytime we gather as a congregation, you are there.  End of school year party for the elementary kids?   Teachers are sure to send a note home with little Tommy or Sally reminding us to bring you to school that day. We would die without you....literally we would die with out you.  But your importance for living has become an obsession and people are dying a slow death because of you.  What was meant for good, has somehow turned to bad.  And that is becoming more apparent now than ever in my life.  

Please don't cry.  It's me not you.  I took advantage of you.  I used you and abused you in my times of need.    I was too clingy.  I wanted you to be my everything.  If I was stressed out during the day, I ran to you to comfort me.  If I was celebrating any occasion, I wanted to do it with you.  I wanted you so much that I found reasons to celebrate.  I smothered you and put you on a pedestal.  It is for that reason that I have to distance myself from you.  We will still see eachother and be good friends but I can't let you consume me.  I want us to have a healthy relationship.  

I can't let you be my joy and my sorrow. I hope you understand. I will always care for you and need you but in a different way.  I hope you understand.

Love,

Rozette

When I read this months challenge for the Fatty Must Run Marathon Challenge, my heart just sank.  I knew  I would have to have the most difficult conversation with my food.  I had to admit that my emotional attachment to food can be unhealthy.  It's not that I don't like healthy food, that's not the issue.  I love vegetables, fruits, chicken etc but I obsess over chocolate, whip cream, flour tortillas.   Remember that song from the 70's Torn Between Two Lovers?  There is a line in there, "torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool.  Loving both of you is breaking every rule"  Well that is me. I don't mind eating healthy food but I want my bad also. And it isn't a hunger thing, its a "I want ______" thing.  No amount of filling health foods is going to satisfy my desire for chocolate.

So this weekend I went to Penzeys's Spice and picked up Fox Point, an amazing blend of herbs and spices that make everything yummy.

Last night we had chicken with a baby spring salad that consisted of Baby Spring mix of lettuce, celery mandarin oranges, cranberries, strawberries, pecans and a raspberry vinaigrette. 

Next time I will probably leave out the strawberries but may put apples. For lunch, I had more chicken on organic corn tortillas, with beans and lettuce.  I really enjoyed that and can't wait to eat more of that.  

I had cherries and grapes for a snack.  They were meh.  I didn't really satisfy my desire for something sweet but they satisfied my need to chew.  I have to come up with something clean to eat that will help with my sweet tooth.  Any suggestion?

I keep telling myself it is only for 30 days but in reality, I am hoping that this 30 day challenge will give me a new perspective on food.  It's fuel...nothing more, nothing less.  I need to grasp that concept. 

Fatty Must Run Marathon Challenge Monthly recap

Before I started writing this post, I decided to review my previous posts I have written since starting the challenge and I realized two things:

1.  I thought I blogged more than I actually did, which means all those times I thought I was sharing with you guys, I was only sharing with myself...in my head and
2.  I have no concept of time. It seems like just yesterday that I received the email stating I was accepted and at the same time, so much has changed in that time that it seems so long ago.

If you are not familiar with the Fatty Must Run Marathon Challenge, just click here for information about it. Over the course of a year, Julie, the leader of this challenge, will guide us through marathon training. Some would consider training for a 26.2 miles run as torture but I consider it a privilege to do so with these women.  Ok side note here: Julie is from the UK and I am obsessed with anything from across the pond, so when I read her blog posts, I read them out loud with my very bad British accent.

Julie gives us a new set of challenges each month.  We are to keep her updated at least once a month via email or blog post. But most of us have also updated eachother daily via Twitter.  If you would like to follow us, just search #FMRMC or #Fattymustrunmarathonchallenge.  For the first month, May, we were given three tasks run 2 miles, start 30 day squat challenge and run a timed 5K.

1. Run 2 miles and report back to Julie on how it felt. Because I was already running two miles each run, this one was natural for me.  The only comment I have is that it is getting hot in Texas so I have to change the time of day I run.
2. Start a 30 day squat challenge I had never heard of this but I googled it and discovered it is a 30 day challenge that increases the amount of squats each day. You start at 50 on day 1 and by the time you are on day 30, you are doing 250 squats in one day.  I love squats.   I build muscle extremely fast, genetics, so I can really see the difference and feel the difference in my legs and buttocks.
3. Run a timed 5K to get a base time.  Of all three, this one concerned me the most. I had not run a 5K in a very long time so I was worried.  I always hovered around 54-56 minute 5Ks.  I didn't want to time a 5K so soon after restarting C25K only to discover I am slower than before or not be able to finish.  My new time was a pleasant surprise 43:15.  I know, I know...I can't believe it myself but I took a picture just to prove it.

Yeah Baby!!!

If you had told me a month ago that I would have had so many changes in the first few weeks, I probably would have not believed you.  No, I know I would believe you.  As a matter of fact, I probably would have contemplating dropping out for fear of failing.  But I didn't quit. I just went one step at a time, one day at a time.  And things just happened.

• Pace  When I restarted C25K I was ecstatic that I ran my fastest mile at 15: 48. Years ago when I trained for my first 5K, my average pace was in the 17's and even 19's.  Yesterday I broke my own 5K time by doing it 43:15 and my average pace for my total 4 miles was 14:12.  By the way, the only reason I mention pace is not because I think I was going too slow before, but because it means I am improving. It means I am getting stronger. You guys know how I feel about pace.
• Distance:  My first few runs in April were 2 miles or less.  By mid May I was consistently doing 2 miles and as of last Saturday, I have increased my mileage to 4 miles.  My plan is to increase my mileage for my during the week runs to 4 miles and 6 miles on the weekend.
• Strength:  All I can say is that before this challenge, my legs just moved me forward.  Now, I can actually feel my muscles working and I love it.  There is a feeling of control or power...I haven't quite found the right word for it but all I know is that it is good.
• Community:  My running group has grown by 14.  We live hundreds, even thousands of miles, away from each other but this common goal is the thread that binds us together.  We encourage eachother and hold each other accountable.  On my own, I probably would have become bored the first week and moved on to a new challenge.  I am here to stay.

We have been given our new challenges for June.  I'll share more on those tomorrow.  All I can say is that it is going to be hard....mentally.  But in the meantime, check out the girls and how they viewed the first month. A link to their blogs is on the right.

My friend I Want

I have written and rewritten this post several times in the past two days.  But each time I did, well I just wasn't "feelin' it".  But a fellow fluffy runner wrote something the other day that just stuck in my head. He said sometimes he doesn't want to go out and run and his friend told him, "Hey if you are waiting for "I Want" he ain't coming so just get out there and do it."  Wow! That got me thinking about my I Want.  We all  have one.  And I realized my  I Want  can be a pretty flaky friend. Sometimes he shows up everyday no matter what.  The baby kept us up all night with a cough...he doesn't mind.  He reminds us why we are doing this and encourages us to get out of bed.  We have a horrible day at work, boyfriend hurts our feelings, husband doesn't understand, teenager is being difficult...doesn't matter to I Want, he picks us up and takes us for a run.

But I Want isn't dependable.  Sometimes he leaves for the day, the week or even the month with no explanation.  (Truth be known, I think he has another woman).  I can't verify it but sometimes I see them out on the trails running together.  And of course, I get jealous. Why does she have him? She must be special. She must be better than me.  She must have it all together and I am just a loser and that is why I am stuck here with I Want's evil twin I Don't Want.  My mother warned me about guys like I Don't Want.  They are selfish, degrading and never want what is best for you.

Fortunately, I Want has been pretty faithful.  He has been late a few times but by the time I finish my 5 minute warm up, he comes in and runs alongside me.  He never runs ahead.  He sticks by my side cheering me on...yeah that's just the kind of guy that he is.  He's a real playa.  When he is with you, he makes you feel like you are the only one but when he is gone...well he is gone.

So I love I Want and if I had it my way, he would be around for my whole Fatty Must Run Marathon Challenge.  But I know he won't be. I know there will be some days that I will be alone on my run.  I know that I Don't Want will  throw sticks at me and run circles around me and mock me.  That's okay.  I am preparing for that day.  I had I Want write me love notes while he was around.  I had him write down why I am going on this journey and why I am worth it.  So every time he goes MIA and I Don't Want shows up, I'll pull out his love notes to me.  I'll read them and run anyway.  Nothing I Don't Want says will deter me because I have these reminders.  And when those don't work, I have 14 women that will remind me of why I am doing this and vice versa.

So if your I Want is around, do me a favor and have him write you some love notes.  If he is MIA, find some fellow runners to share theirs.  You'll be glad you did. And eventually, your I Want will show up again.  He always does.

Fatty Must Run Marathon Challenge Update
Our Marathon Challenge has started.  We were given our first assignments.  Sometime this week we are to run 2 miles and report how it felt.  I did this challenge today.  It was H O T!  I am going to have to change up my schedule and start running in the am and blog at lunch.  I am not looking forward to summer training.

Our next challenge is to start the 30 day squat challenge.  I had never heard of it but Julie said to just google it and we will find it.  And I did.  Basically you start out with 50 squats the first day and on day 30 you will do 250.  I have pretty muscular legs and buns under all this fluffy so right now it is pretty easy and I build muscle extremely quickly so I know I will also bulk up this month because of it.  But it is for our benefit. The stronger the legs the easier the run.

The last challenge is to run a timed 5K by May 31st.  This will be our baseline. We can either do an actual 5K event or map out a route ourselves and time it.  I will probably map it out on Mapmyrun and run it.  My first 5k event isn't until June 8th.

If you want to read more about the FattyMustRunMarathonChallenge. Just click the link.  This will tell you what the challenge entails.  If you want to meet all the gals who were picked read this post.  And for all the women that are doing this challenge that have blogs, I have added links to their blogs to the right.

Can I encourage you to visit their blogs, follow and comment?  Sometimes when I Want is MIA, it's nice to know others are there for us.

Everyone needs an Ellie

Picture courtesy of Ellie (number 183)

The mud run is a prime example of how my mind works and how I overcome things.  Several months ago I received a "like" page for the Gritty Goddess in Galveston. Last year, after the first mud run, I received information on the 2012 Gritty Goddess.  I said no.  But this year was different.  I received the page to "like" because Facebook snooped and discovered I love all things running.  (I could write a whole post on how I don't like the way Facebook utilizes my information but this is not the time and place.)  Ok, let me back up.  At the time of this page popping up on my Facebook, ALL I was doing was loving all things running. I had not been cleared by my doc to start running.  

The weeks leading up to this moment were filled with treating my plantar fasciitis with stretches and icing.  So I made just a little noise about it...until I was sucker punched by it on 4/20/2013.  How do I know the exact date?  Well, that is the day I hosted an all day crop at my house for 14 beautiful ladies (hmmmm there is that number again..14).  Blame it on the lack of sleep in order to prepare for the crop or the alcohol I had just consumed but Ellie mentioned the mud run and I jumped at the chance to do it.  And then she popped the question, "What is your pace?" (gulp) "Well you see...running is just a technique and not a pace" I started to say.  I even think I rambled something about how I am faster than I was last time I did C25K.  I was stumbling and tripping over my own words...at least that is how I remember it.  I probably chuckled alot because that is what I do when I am nervous or sad.  All I know is that by the end of the conversation, we were running the mud run. And I had a feeling we were going to do it together. I don't mean, "okay when the gun fires, I'll see you at the finish line."  That would have been easy. I do my own pace and not worry about how I "look" to her.  No, I knew this was going to be a "are you ready? we are doing this together until the very end."

So what's the big deal?  Well, Ellie was from scrapbooking world.  My first impression of Ellie was how well she packed for a crop.  She didn't carry bags luggage, like the rest of us.  I think the first time I saw her at a crop she had one shoulder bag and her purse.  The only scrapper that packs that light are the digital scrappers that carry their laptop.  But Ellie was an organized traditional scrapper. So organized that she had only one bag compared to our 4 or 5 that were twice the size of hers.  What was her secret? How did she do it?  

And then I saw the pages she produced and they were lovely. They were balanced, pleasing to the eye with wonderful placement of embellishments and yet the picture remained the focus of the page (a hard task to do when you use embellishments).  Yes she was a scrapper goddess. She traveled light and scrapbooked well.  

Over the months I had learned she was a counselor, an active member of  her church and at one time had some weight to lose.  If you see her now, you would never know it.  She is tiny and fit. So are you hating her yet?  Fit, pretty, well organized, counselor, volunteer..I could go on and on.  But here is the best part...she is the friendliest, down to earth, encouraging, giving person I may know. 

So when I fumbled through my answer regarding my pace, she said, "ok let's do it.".  There was no hesitation in her voice.  She was ready to go and I was nervous.  She met up with Monica and me on that mud Saturday and she encouraged us through the whole course.  At times, I am ashamed to say, I was so focused on finishing a certain obstacle that I would turn around and Ellie is calling out to me because I had left them behind.  I had left a man down, Monica, and Ellie stayed and made sure she was okay and could do it. (Yes I know...I am a horrible person.)

I hope you have an Ellie in your life. Someone who encourages, supports and laughs with you through your journey.  If you don't have one, find one. So here's to the Ellies of the world. Those women that can run circles around us yet choose to run along with us.  

Kris Kringle and the Winter Warlock

There is a joke in small group, more commonly known as Bible Study, don't pray for patience because God will give you something to test your patience. Well guess what? I prayed for strength, discipline and better health. So God sent...FattyMustRunMarathonChallenge.  Aye yay Aye!  He is going to test all three at once.

That's okay because I was given super powers.  At 12:04 today I received the email, along with 14 other women, stating I have been chosen for the year long marathon challenge. Yikes!  Talk about having mixed emotions. I am not gonna lie.  Part of me is terrified to take this challenge. What if I fail? What if I find out that I can't do this? What if I find out I am a failure? It is so easy to fall into that type of thinking. Heck, it is second nature in my head space.

So I will twist these lies into truths.  That's right. If I can believe anything I want, then I choose to believe that I can do this.  I choose to believe that I will succeed.  I choose to be on my side.  I have wasted too many years rehearsing failure in my head.  Time to rehearse success.  

So here is the truth that I know today.  Today I can run 2 miles.  Today I know how to listen to my body.  Today I know I can put one foot in front of the other. (Anyone just think of the Christmas Special Santa Claus is Comin' to Town, where Kris Kringle is trying to help the snow guy , Winter Warlock, to become nice.?)  THAT'S IT!!!  REVELATION!!!  I will put one foot in front of the other and change my ways and do so, one step at a time.  My 2 miles will turn into 3 then 6 then 13 then 26!  All by just putting one foot in front of the other. 

And just as the Winter Warlock had Kris to help him, I have 14 women to help me.  Together we will encourage, support and share our experiences.  Over the next few weeks as I get to know them, I hope to share  a little about each one of them. Some have blogs and I will list them to the right so that you can follow their journey also.

Well I am off..putting one foot in front of the other....

SING WITH ME!!

Warlock:  I really am a mean and despicable creature at heart you know. It's difficult to really change.

Kris:  Difficult? Why, why look here, changing from bad to good is as easy as taking your first step.

[chorus]

Put one foot in front of the other

and soon you'll be walking 'cross the floor.

Put one foot in front of the other and soon you will be walking out that door.

You will never get where you're going

If ya never get up on your feet.

Come on, there's a good tail wind blowin'

A fast walking man is hard to beat.

[chorus]

If you want to change your direction,

If your time of life is at hand,

Well, don't be the rule, be the exception

A good way to start is to stand.

[chorus]

Winter: If I want to change the reflection I see in the mirror each morn...

Kris: Oh you do

Winter:  You mean that it is just my election?

Kris: Just that?

Winter: To vote for a chance to be reformed? Wuu Huu!

If Winter can change, then so can I. I am just going to put one foot in front of the other!