It was a mental thing

I woke up this morning ready to run. I had set my mind to running today. I planned on missing my daughter's swim meet and doing this for me. But my day didn't start out that way. I woke up and spent the first 30 minutes arguing with my family. They don't want to go to the swim meet and I am yelling that they have to go. I finally throw all my running gear down and say, "Nevermind! I will take you because I can't trust you to go on your own!".

Then something just clicked. I said forget it. I am not going to worry about you guys. I need to go run. And I threw on all my gear again.... I have alot of gear...and searched high and low for my water bottle...I still haven't found it...and went for my 6 miler.

I was pissed at my family. I hated that I was carrying this huge water bottle because I couldn't find my running bottle. I was disappointed in my family for not doing the right thing and going to the meet and I was mad at myself for getting caught up in their drama. I was upset that I started out 45 minutes later than I wanted.

But as I started pounding the trails the stress started to leave. I started to think about why I was out there. I was out there because I can be. I started to relive my days in chemo. There were days I couldn't get out of bed. There were days I couldn't eat anything. Heck, during reconstruction I couldn't even turn my head because it hurt too much.

It is the first time that running became a stress reliever. My usual form of relief is sleep or food. I have so much I want to share but I am really tired. I forgot to mention I have not been feeling well and not getting much sleep.

On a high note: I won a drawing on mommaof3ontherun. We met on the weight watchers board and have stayed in touch. I love her blog, it really resonates with me. Check her out. If you look to the right side of my blog, you will see a link.

Day 1 Week 20 of 3 Day

First 3 miler for the Komen 3 day is done. It was hot outside but I loved it. There was a time when I feared running out in public. Now I look forward to it. I love saying hello to fellow runners. I love the thumbs up I receive. Or the "Wow, you have been running this whole time. That is great!" We all need fans or groupies every once and a while.

When I run on the treadmill, I watch TV. So this is the first time I have listened to my playlist in a while. It really gets me moving. My pace was a bit slower than normal but it's all good. So tomorrow is 4 miles. I am not sure if I am ready to run 4 miles so I will just listen to my body and see how I do.

But I have to say the more I read about this walk the more excited and pumped up I get. As a 12 year survivor, I can't even begin to tell you what this means to me. There was a time before I was diagnosed that I was just tired all the time. My daughter was just a toddler and I couldn't keep up with her. Then during my chemos and radiation and reconstruction I couldn't get out of bed for days.

But here I am, 12 years later, and I am going to walk 60 miles for all those that can't. I can't stop because I am tired or busy. You see, when you have cancer and you are fighting for your life, you don't get to say "Time out, do over." or "I am just too busy to sit in a chair for a few hours so that you can drip chemo into my body." No, you don't get those luxuries when you are fighting for your life. You just keep pushing on and moving forward.

So I can't say I am tired or too busy to train for this. There are thousands of women who are tirelessly fighting for their lives. I need to tirelessly train for them.

60 miles and 50 pounds

I ran on Friday. It was not a great run. I still felt sluggish but I got my rear on the treadmill and ran. I find it hard to run and cough at the same time. So I only did a little over a mile and then called it day. Besides, I had to pick up my daughter from swim practice.

But Monday starts my 20 week training for Komen's 3 day 60 mile walk in Dallas on November 5-7th. I am really excited about this run. And the best thing...my first day of training is rest. Yes, you read that right...rest. Then the following happens:
Monday...rest
Tuesday... 3 miles easy walking
Wednesday...15 minutes of moderate cross training (bike ride)
Thursday...4 miles moderate walking
Friday...30 minutes easy cross training
Saturday...6 miles easy walking
Sunday... 4 miles easy walking

I am excited about this. I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I will walk 20 miles each day for 3 days. So I will probably run bits of this training. I have a 5K coming up in July and another one is September and a 10K in October.

I am going to Puerto Rico in November, 10 days after my walk and I would love to be 50 pounds lighter. There, I said it. I want to lose 50 pounds by November 18th.

I can't wait to run

Ok, this may get personal...sorry guys. But Saturday I was low on energy. There are certain, shall I say, times of the month that I just want to lie down and sleep for a few days. Saturday was the beginning of one of those times. Sunday rolled around and I wasn't any better. Monday came along and I thought I was just lazy. I didn't want to run, clean, cook or even jump on the computer (extremely out of character for me).

But then I realized I was not lazy. I was sick. I have bad allergies but this time my allergies turned into a sinus issue, which in turn turned into an infection. I am taking meds now so I feel so much better. Tomorrow I will run. And believe it or not, I can't wait.

The weird friend

I am learning to love the treadmill again. And yes, it is a learning process. It isn't like my first meeting with my husband where I just knew I would fall in love with him and want to be with him for the rest of my life. No, no, it is more like the weird kid that showed up in school one day and you avoided them as much as you could. Then you were paired with them in science lab and over time you learned to appreciate some of their qualities...perhaps their ability to do all the gross things that you didn't want to do. And over time you became friends. Certainly not best friends but you said "hi" in the hallway or chatted with them at a party. However, if I remember correctly, the parties were so loud, you really couldn't chat. Anyway, that is the kind of relationship I have with my treadmill. It is the weird kid that showed up in my living room one day and now I have to play nice with it.

The other day me and my weird friend watched Bridget Jones Diary. I LOVE that movie! Like the love I have for my husband, sorry baby. I loved it the first time I saw it and I loved it just as much the 99th time I saw it. So it was nice to have my best friend and my weird friend all in one room and we were all okay with it.

After reading an article from Active.com, I decided not to push myself too much so I kept it a walk for the movie. (You were right, Mike). When I was in high school, I played on the Varsity Soccer team. (Ok I was on the Varsity team because we only had a handful of girls that wanted to play and not because I was any good.) Well at the last game, I injured my ankle. I wanted to get out of the game but the coach kept telling me, "Do it for the Seniors!". I was a sophomore and could care less about the seniors. Anyway, the trainer taped my ankle really tight, to numb it, and pushed me on the field. Every time, I would get to the point where I couldn't put any weight on it, they would tape me tighter. Any who, by the time all is said and done, 20 some years later, my ankle acts up. So while one the treadmill for my 3 miler, I felt something in that ankle. It wasn't pain but it was a discomfort. So the next day I only did 2 miles. Today I will try 3 miles again.

One of my friends from active.com (wideguy) is going to run with me tonight. Well he is in some place in EST and I am in CST. So about 6:20 CST I will be running. Hope to see you there...virtually. I'll be with the weird one.

One busy weekend down, Seven to go

I can't believe how booked my weekends have become. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to do all the things I did but man I end the weekend wanting Monday to come so that I can get some rest. :)

This past weekend I came across a blog of the women that is losing weight or lost weight. She walked 4 miles a day and limited her calories to 1000 calories per day. Ok... I can't do 1000 calories per day and I am not sure if that is healthy. But I can do the walking or running.

I found that during the week, I can pretty much stay within calories with little effort. But the weekends kill me. On Friday, my daughter went to a wine tasting dinner with my father so I had to drive her his house...50 miles away. My dad insisted on buying dinner for me and my hubby. We ended up at BJs Brewery and had chicken lettuce wraps for an appetizer, I had a NY Strip for dinner with a bake potato and my husband ordered an apple crisp a la mode. So I had to have a few bites of that. I was stuffed. I had eaters remorse by the time I was done. all I wanted to do was run and try to feel better.....ok, I know...why didn't you order a salad with a vinaigrette, grilled chicken, steam vegetables and fresh fruit...But in my mind, when the food is free the calories don't count. So I still need a little work on my mental health but it gets even worse. I ordered a glass of water but drank very little of it. You wanna know why? Because I didn't leave any room in my tummy for a beverage. Say what?

So I started anew this week. And I started with a pound loss...so that is a good thing.

If LoseIt is my confessional then this is my Praise Report

It is taken me over a week to come to terms with what I was eating and what I could do to change it. But this data junkie is turning this LoseIt app into a game. My inner nerd loves this application. I usually hate tracking my food. But I love charts and reports and I love to problem solve. And I get to satisfy all these needs with LoseIt.

As soon as I eat something, I run to my application and add it to my log. I then go to my PC and look at all the reports. How many fats have I had today or carbs? What is my favorite food? (And by the way...your favorite food should NOT be chocolate cake. I am just saying.) If I want to keep my meals to about 300-350 calories, then I problem solve. What vegetable can I have with a protein with complex carb that won't go over my limit...and will it taste good when combined?

The weird thing? I am finding my old self. This is a good thing. Every once and a while I have a glimpse of this gal that loved cucumbers instead of fries with her sandwich or turkey burger. I loved stuffed bell peppers that were baked and filled with seasoned turkey meat. I loved my treadmill and Pilate's videos and I really loved weights. I loved egg whites with bell pepper. Oh, and instead of tortillas, I used lettuce leaves to make tacos. I didn't even have sugar in the house and we drank Crystal Light and water. I don't know what happened over the last few years but something did and with it came all these bad habits.

But I am here to share my praise report, aren't I? I am hitting my calorie targets and quite a few times I am below it. I am working out daily and I don't feel hungry. Isn't that great? I don't feel like I am on a diet and I feel like I am living life. And I love all my new friends on the loseit application. I love seeing their progress and what kind of activities they are doing. I love that we can send eachother pats on the back or ask questions to each other.

I have also started to do 100 push up challenge. It is another application for the IPhone. I love my IPhone. I would really love an IPad but I digress...I can't get off topic. And my hubby and I are going to the gym daily. Ok, so it has only been twice but i t was twice in a row. :)

And to my lovely running friend Kris, good luck this weekend at your first 1/2 mary. I am so proud of you. You have worked hard for this and you are truly an inspiration to all of us. You have a full schedule with work, kids, wrestling and husband and yet you have chosen to make your health a priority. Enjoy your mary and don't forget to have someone take pics to share with us.