Thursday, February 24, 2011

Meet my friends Shame, Comfy and Fear

I have been frustrated with my pace lately. By now I should be running circles around others. I don't know who those "others" are but I should be running circles around them. But I think I have become comfortable with my pace.

Now I love a comfy couch, a comfy bed and comfy chair. But I don't think my workouts should be comfy. Working out is about getting stronger and healthier and that takes breaking down muscle to build them back up again. There is nothing comfy about breaking down something. I mean comfy is what got me to where I am now...fluffy and unhealthy. Comfy says to sit on the couch and watch a good movie. Comfy says it is easier to sleep in than get up and work out. Comfy says it is easier to grab a few pieces of chocolate as oppose to a few pieces of fruit. Yes, comfy can be our enemy.

But comfy loves company. My comfy loves fear. Each day during my 3 day, I made note of how I felt during mile 15. I was tired. My feet hurt, my legs ached and I was just tired. And I told myself..."If you feel like this after 15 miles of walking, how are you going to feel after 13 miles of running?" You see, I had signed up a 1/2 mary in January. And well after my 3 day, Fear joined Comfy as my companions.

They became good friends. One would convince me that the bed was too comfy and the other would convince me that I couldn't do it. And they did this until 1 day before the run, when I went to pick up my race packet. Yeah you heard me, I picked up my race packet and went to the expo. Look, I may not be running but I want my t-shirt!

It was at the expo that Comfy and Fear met their bigger brother, Shame. Yes, I felt shame as I picked up my packet, knowing darn well I wasn't running. I felt shame as I went from booth to booth looking at things and people looking at me like "what are you doing here?". A few months ago I would have held my head high and said, "yeah I am fluffy but I am a runner!". Now, all I could do is agree.

And the next morning as I met all my friends to cheer them on during the race, Shame stood next to me. As my friend that just jumped back from a bad MS episode where she was blind and couldn't walk for long periods of time, came out dressed to run as much of the 1/2 mary as possible, Shame clung to me. She made it 6 miles, then had to SAG. But she had the courage to start and isn't that what Bingham says? The miracle is not that I finished but I had the courage to start?

So I am starting over. I want to increase my speed and get my passion back. I am going to attempt C25K again but at a faster pace. I am going to break out of comfy running (slower pace) and break into pushing myself.

I am doing WW also. Now I have been a member since 2009. I haven't followed the program but I have been a member. Well I started counting my points and realized...I eat alot. I eat more than I realized. It has been a week and so far so good. I am within points and I have lost 2 pounds. I figure I will be able to run faster if I have less weight to carry.